This Is How We Do It

I was at Target the other day with just Elli and Taye (Lex was at preschool) and a pregnant woman with a toddler asked what life was like with two. "Oh, I have three. When it's just two, it's a breeze!"
Here's a picture Lex took of Taye, Elli, and me on a different trip to Target (just a few hours before Taye threw his camera and it broke). While I was kicking a 30lb bag of dogfood into the bottom of the cart, a man who looked like he was having a hard time handling just one boy in a stroller commented on my double carrier system, "that's neat - they kind of balance out." Seriously?

Taye is having a difficult time adjusting and is jealous of both Lex and Elli. We start out most shopping trips okay and I praise him for being such a big boy, but soon enough he wants to be in the carrier like Elli. It's a good thing she isn't into the pacifier, because every time I try, he screams for one too. I feel just awful - I've had to lock him in his room or out of Elli's a few times because he screams so loudly for me to put Elli down and carry him instead (only if I'm standing up). When it's just the boys, it sounds more like this . . . "share" "me, me, me," "don't touch your brother" "no, you can never have it" "count to ten" "pease (sic)" "take turns" "mom, can you read this please"

Thankfully, Lex, is still my little angel most of the time. The time he saw me crying because I was just so tired of being sick, he asked me if I wanted to hear a joke and proceeded to tell me one:) Tuesday, I warned him that Elli had a rough night and mommy was a little tired, so I would appreciate it if he could be a big helper. On the way to preschool, he noticed the beautiful white flowers on the bradford pear trees (I love Spring) and we talked about how nice they were. We decided to look for more on the way to brighten our day and he said, "when you go home, on the way back, you can see those pretty white flower trees again and they will make you happy."

It's pretty hard to get any "me time" between getting Taye some quality time with cars, puzzles, or trains; and helping Lex read and write; and making meals (breastmilk and otherwise) to keep our hungry family fed. I find myself in moments of dejavu, not because I'm so tired I can't remember, but because I actually lived these moments when the boys were Elli's age. I forgot how strong the desire is to take a shower when you can't. I forgot how helpful it is for me to write down all my frustrations. I forgot how hard it is to choose sleep over all the other things that need to be done. I remember trying to explain to Sherief how my heirarchy of needs is on a completely different realm from his. All in all, though, I think we're doing pretty well. I just need to let go of some of my lofty ambitions and remember what Lex said two years ago, a mommy has "the power to feed."